look no pants
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
