she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
