Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
