My room smells like vodka and shame
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize