We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
