I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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