btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
