He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
