You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
God, I missed his penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
