Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
