The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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