and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
