Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize