i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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