Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
