That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's shark week go big or go home
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
