Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize