I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize