So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
