when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
