My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
