in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
