I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
