the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need water and some morals
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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