Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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