I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
