i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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