HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize