im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
