you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
