i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
