really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
