so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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