Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
