omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
