why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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