I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
