two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
