obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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