I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
