i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
