You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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