The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
