I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just want to make out with him forever
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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