Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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