So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
