Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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