I want to have your abortion
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
