Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
