why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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