So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
