No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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