I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
