In America we eat man semen.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
