THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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