RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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