Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize