I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
