Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
