Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
