Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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