I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
