i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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