Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
