I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
