i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
