If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
