i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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