she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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