I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
