the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
