1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
