I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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