rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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