i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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