I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
