just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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