Soap is not a condiment
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
