Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
