I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I FOUND THE LEGS
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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