I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
